Summer fun

Lindsay and Chase went roping one weekend so we got to watch these two cuties. The first night I attempted to make them Mickey Mouse pancakes haha I think I need some practice:) The next day we decided to take them up to Sublet reservoir and go fishing, I am not one who enjoys fishing so I figured the girls and I could just play in the water. It was fun for awhile and then the wind started to blow a little and the bugs started to get bad. So we decided to head home and just swim in the little swimming pool at my house. I love being able to watch these cuties they are growing up so fast. 

Memorial Day

Memorial Day weekend Tara was home so she came over and helped me paint some of my house. I love how it turned out. We got the living room and hallway all done. I slowly and I mean slowly feel like my house is starting to come together. There are some days that I wish I could just move into a brand new home but I am loving our home and I am loving that I can make it the way I want, we still have a lot to do to it but we are getting there. 

Then on Memorial Day we took Madison and Ainsley up to the City of Rocks and then we went swimming. The whole way up there Madison was just wanting to go swimming she had never been to the City of Rocks to climb before so she wasn't so sure about it. But by the time we left the rocks she was loving it. And then we topped the day off with a nice soak in the hot tubes. I am so glad my aunt and uncle own Durfee Hot Springs and it's so close and we can go whenever we want:) 

Reno

Todd and I got to go to Reno at the end of April and first week of May. He had a fire training for work that we went down for. I was excited since I have never been to Reno, but man it was a very long and boring drive!! But I am grateful that I was able to go with him and get to spend time together. One night we went for a walk down by the river. It was very pretty down there but at the same time downtown Reno is very scary. I am glad Todd was with me. 

Good news, a step forward!

        My phone started ringing this morning at about 9:30 this morning and it was my doctors office in twin, I wasn't sure I wanted to answer it. I knew it had to do with my blood test I had done on Friday and I wasn't sure if I was ready to hear the results already. I debated pushing the decline button.  But I decided I would just answer it and get it over with. I answered and this is what I heard, " Hi Tana this is Emily and we have your results back and your prolactin level is in the NORMAL range.." Oh my gosh she said normal I was so relieved. I wanted to cry but I knew I needed to keep it together so I could still talk to her. They are starting me on Clomid on my next cycle. I am so grateful for all the prayers that have been said in behalf of Todd and I. I am so grateful for the blessing my dad gave me and for the power of the priesthood.  I know that because of all of this is the reason my levels are back to normal and I don't have to have an MRI to see if there is a tumor.
      When we were in the temple on Saturday the spirit testified to me that everything was going to be ok. At one point during a prayer I just cried and cried because the guy blessed all those there that they might find peace and comfort in the trials that they are facing. At that point I had the most amazing feeling come over me and I knew that things were going to be ok.  We still have a long road ahead of us to become parents but we have overcome another speed bump. And I feel like for the first time we are taking steps forward instead of backwards or just standing still.

Happy 30th Birthday

    I received a phone call on Wednesday to remind that I needed to go back in for more blood work to see where my prolactin level is at. In all honesty I had really forgotten or maybe not forgotten but hadn't thought about it for awhile and when I got off  the phone with the nurse all the emotions came flooding back. Soon we would have one more answer which I am glad to know but at the same time terrified. I know that this is something that we have to figure out but its scary to think I could possibly have a tumor. I pray that this is not the case and that we can just continue to treat the PCOS with upping the dosage of the Metformin and get started on the clomid. So I had to go in yesterday Friday May 16 and have some more blood drawn and now we just play the waiting game to hear what the results are. I had my dad give me a blessing and I have never had so much peace as I do with this whole situation. I am so grateful for the power of the priesthood and for my testimony. I know my Savior Jesus Christ has heard and answered my prayers this last month. And I know that whatever the results of the test are that I am strong and that I will make it through all of this. And hopefully we will have a beautiful child of God in our arms soon.
     So I stayed the night in Twin Falls with Tara because today we celebrated our 30th Birthday. I cant believe that I am 30 I don't feel like I am thirty and I honestly don't feel like I should be thirty, but I am and I am actually kind of excited about it now (now being the key word).. I had a moment a couple of weeks ago where I almost had a melt down because I wasn't sure if I was ready to be thirty or not. But I am excited. Today was an amazing day. Tara decided that she would go through the temple today and take out her endowments. It was such a spiritual day to be able to be in the temple with Tara. I love going to the temple it makes the rest of the worldly problems disappear for a couple hours. I felt so much peace while I was there. And I know that everything that I am going through will be ok and that it will all work out.

I have debated whether or not I should write about this on here, but I have decided that I am going to cause it is easier for me to type than to write so I am going to just start using this more like my journal. So here is your warning if you don't want to read about things that are going on in my life, you should probably stop reading now. 

     On April 15 I had a doctors appointment with Mindy Brown in Twin. We have been trying to for 2 1/2 years to get pregnant and we have had no luck. I was almost a month late with my last period so we were really thinking that I could possibly be pregnant, we wanted to wait till I was exactly a month late to take a test to see if we were expecting or not. So I had been in twin working on a Friday

and I had picked up a pregnancy test becaus the next Wednesday was going to be a month, well that Saturday the very next day I had my menstral cycle show up. I was devasted I really thought that I was pregnant because I was having really bad nausea and was very dizzy. So this was the last straw for me. (I know I probably should have made this appointment a long time ago but let's be honest I really do not like doctors).... So I called Mindys office that Monday and set up an appointment which was two weeks out. It was a very long two weeks because by this time I have made up my mind I am ready to get answers and find out what is going on. So the 15 finally came and my mom went with me to the appointment Todd had to go back to work so he was unable to go with me. I am so very grateful that my mom was able to go with me. The first appointment we didn't do too much but Mindy was pretty sure I had PCOS.. Which I was thinking that what I had as well since my mom has it and I have had several of the symptoms. So she started me on Metformin that day and then I had to go back on the 18 and have an ultrasound and bloodwork done. And then on the 22 we went back and had Todd tested. 

       On the 24 Mindy's nurse Emily called with the results. She told me Todd was good to go so I knew right then and there that something was wrong with me. Ever since we have had troubles trying to get pregnant I was always saying that I was hoping that it was me and not Todd because I was strong and I could handle it. But in that very moment I was devastated I wasn't ready to hear what the test results had to say I was wishing that there was someway that it wasn't me. I wasn't strong anymore.. Emily told me that I do have PCOS and that I am not ovulating. She also told me that my prolactin levels are high, they consider high to be 18.6 and mine are at a 21.4... So in a month I will have to go back in and have some more blood work done to see if these levels have come down. A lot of the time they are associated with PCOS but if they are still high then I have to have a MRI done to see of I might possible have a tumor on my pituitary gland. At this point in the conversation I lost all the strength I thought I had. I knew I had to keep myself under control while I was on the phone. Luckily my mom stopped by after school that day because she was headed visiting teaching and I was able to just cry in her arms. No ones wants to be told that they could possible have a tumor. Since receiving this news I have done a lot of research and it says that these tumors are usually non-cancerous. Which I'm praying that if I do have a tumor this is case. 

       So this is where we are at right now with everything, waiting to go back to do another blood test. All I want is the opportunity to be a mom and Todd to be a father. I know that this is all in Gods hands and that he has a plan for our family. This is just one of the roadblock that we have to overcome. 

Mothers Day

     I have very mixed emotions when it comes to this Holiday. First off let me start by saying how truly blessed I am to have the amazing mother that I do have. She is a wonderful example to me. Her love for her family radiates in all that she does, and her love for her Savior and the gospel is a great testament to me. She has always been there for me no matter what the circumstance is, especially this last month. She was always been someone I can count on and one of my best friends. So I am grateful that we celebrate Mother's Day so that I can show her just how much she means to me. 

     But at the same time Mother's Day is a very hard day for me. I, like so many others long to become a mom. And it is so hard when I haven't been blessed with this opportunity to really fully enjoy Mother's Day. Now don't get me wrong am truly happy for those who are mothers what a wonderful blessing you have been given, but I long to have that, I long to have little ones who make me silly things for Mother's Day or bring me a bouquet of weeds.. I just want to be someone's mom, so Mother's Day tugs at my heart, bring tears to my eyes. It's a day that sometime I wish didn't have to happen because I am left feeling empty and longing to fill that emptiness with little hands and feet. I had a dear friend text me this morning and she will probably never know how much I needed her text. But it meant so much to me, it read, " Happy Mothers Day to a girl I know that as soon as your children In heaven get here to earth, you will be the most amazing mother to them!! I hope you enjoy this day, I am sure it always feels a little awkward when all the ladies at church around you are basking in Mother's Day and your heart is missing a little something from above. I sure love you!! Hugs to you!!"   This text meant so much to me this morning cause it is hard to go to church on Mother's Day when your not a mother. And you so desperately want to be a mom.. 

      I hope that one day I will be blessed with the opportunity to become a mother and to love and nurture a child of God!! What an amazing opportunity that will be