the way things use to be....

      I just have to vent a little today this last week I have felt so overwhelmed. And in all honesty I would have thought that it would be the total oppoisite since we FIANLLY closed on our house last week. I think I am just getting cabin fever and I need the warm weather to get here fast so I can get outside. But all week I have been thinking about the way things use to be.. I miss having friends that I could go out and do things with. (Dont get me wrong I love being married) But I miss going out to dinner, going to the movies, roasting marshmallows, staying up all night talking and laughing till your stomach hurts so bad, going to CSI basketball games. I miss having my girlfriend's around. I miss having them there and being able to tell them everything. Being able to laugh and the next minute be crying cause we can just pour our hearts out to each other and then the next thing you know your laughing again. There is just something about having your girlfriends there and being able to relate to one another. I know I am probably sounding all crazy and many of you who will read this will probably think I am crazy. But it is truly something I MISS terribly. Its crazy how life takes us all in different directions. I always told myself that these girls would be my friends forever and there are some that I havent talked to in a very long time. Some dont even live that far away and life still finds a way to keep us all busy.
     I just hope and pray that those friends realize how much that have influenced my life. I am so grateful to have had them in my life and for the fun times we shared.

     What a week it has been, I have been waiting for this week to get here for months now. I never could have imagined how stressful buying a home can be. There were so many bump and road blocks that we had to overcome but we did it and we finally signed the papers on Friday afternoon. The whole day I kept telling myself not to get my hopes up cause with the way the whole process has gone I wouldn't be surprised if something else went wrong. But we met with Land Title and Escrow on Friday at 4:00 and we got all the papers signed. The sellers are going in on Tuesday afternoon to sign the papers and then it will all be official. I cant not wait for it to be completely done with this whole thing. I had heard story after story about what a process buying a home is but never in my whole life would I have imagined it being this drawn out and stressful. But its over and I can not wait to finally make it OUR HOME!!!! I have decorated here and there but now I can finally paint and fix the yard up. The yard has been neglected for over a year now so there is a lot of work to be done. I just hope the weather warms up soon so I can get out there.
     Its so weird to think that this home is now OURS. But I am truly so grateful to be living here and to have our own place and hopefully never have to rent again.
     Todd and I also got a calling in our new ward. We are the Sunbeam teachers. We have four kids two boys and two girls and they are so much fun. I am not sure who learns more the kids or Todd and I. I was very unsure of this calling when we were called to serve. I didn't want to leave Relief Society I love going to relief society and the spirit that you feel in there is indescribable. So when they asked us to teach I am not going to lie I was NOT excited at all and Todd was VERY EXCITED. But we have been teaching for almost a month now and I am getting use to it and I am enjoying it as well. It is amazing how these little kids know so much. Our first week teaching they were teaching me all about Jesus and our Father in Heaven. I was so worried about how I was going to teach these kids the lessons because the lessons are so long and there is no way of keeping these kids attention for that long. But I have come to realize that its more than just sitting down and teaching out of the Manual.
     It just these short four weeks I have never laughed so hard at the things these kids say. Here are just a few of them
      ~ We were taught that 1 and 1 equals 2, and then the next week the same kid taught us that 1 and 2 equals 3.
      ~ I had one of the boys ask if I had toys at my house and I told him I did and he asked what kind and I told him a basketball and he totally was so excited and asked me if I would take him to my home one day to play..
      ~ We have heard how siblings snore and it keeps them up all night
      ~ We have heard about booger picking machines
      ~ And about how their dads go out and shoot deer and they only kill the daddy deer and not the mom and baby ones
         I am grateful for everything in our lives right now we are truly blessed. I am thankful for this wonderful well built home and for this wonderful valley that we live in. And I am grateful for our calling even though I cant go to Relief Society there is still an amazing spirit that these little kids carry with them.      

Faith- the Choice is Yours...

I found this talk given by Richard C. Edgley and it was given in General Conference in October 2010. He talks about Faith- the choice is yours.     
     We live in one of the greatest dispensations of all times—a time former prophets looked forward to, prophesied of, and, I believe, yearned for. However, with all the heavenly blessings bestowed upon us, Satan, ever so real, is ever so active, and conflicting messages are continually bombarding all of us. The angel Moroni warned the young Prophet Joseph Smith that his name would be known for good and evil throughout the world (see Joseph Smith—History 1:33), and never has the fulfillment of a prophecy been more evident. The Prophet gave his life for his testimony, and the attacks continue today against the Church and even the Savior Himself. The reality of the Savior, His atoning sacrifice, and its universal application for all of us is challenged and often dismissed as a myth or the baseless hope of a weak and uneducated mind. Furthermore, the reality of the Restoration of the gospel in these latter days continues to be challenged. The continual bombardment of such messages may cause confusion, doubt, and pessimism, each attacking the fundamental truths we believe in, our faith in God, and our hope in the future.
     This might be the reality of our world, but we can still choose how we react to it. When our sacred doctrine and beliefs are challenged, this is our opportunity to become acquainted with God in a most private and intimate manner. This is our opportunity to choose.
      Because of the conflicts and challenges we face in today’s world, I wish to suggest a single choice—a choice of peace and protection and a choice that is appropriate for all. THAT CHOICE IS FAITH. Be aware that faith is not a free gift given without thought, desire, or effort. It does not come as the dew falls from heaven. The Savior said, “Come unto me” (Matthew 11:28) and “Knock, and it shall be [given] you” (Matthew 7:7). These are action verbs—come, knock. They are choices. So I say, choose faith. Choose faith over doubt, choose faith over fear, choose faith over the unknown and the unseen, and choose faith over pessimism.
     Yes, faith is a choice, and it must be sought after and developed. Thus, we are responsible for our own faith. We are also responsible for our lack of faith. The choice is yours.
     There is much that I do not know. I do not know the details of the organization of matter into the beautiful world we live in. I do not understand the intricacies of the Atonement, how the Savior’s sacrifice can cleanse all repentant people, or how the Savior could suffer “the pain of all men” (D&C 18:11). I do not know where the city of Zarahemla was, as referred to in the Book of Mormon. I do not know why my beliefs sometimes conflict with assumed scientific or secular knowledge. Perhaps these are matters our Father in Heaven described as the “mysteries … of heaven” (D&C 107:19) that will be revealed at a later date.
     But while I don’t know everything, I know the important. I know the plain and simple gospel truths that lead to salvation and exaltation. I know that the Savior did suffer the pain of all men and that all repentant people can be cleansed from sin. And what I don’t know or don’t completely understand, with the powerful aid of my faith, I bridge the gap and move on, partaking of the promises and blessings of the gospel. And then, as Alma teaches, our faith brings us to a perfect knowledge (see Alma 32:34). By moving forward into the unknown, armed only with hope and desire, we show evidence of our faith and our devotion to the Lord.
     And so, following Alma’s formula, let us choose. Let us choose faith.
• If confusion and hopelessness weigh on your mind, choose to “awake and arouse your faculties” (Alma 32:27). Humbly approaching the Lord with a broken heart and contrite spirit is the pathway to truth and the Lord’s way of light, knowledge, and peace.
• If your testimony is immature, untested, and insecure, choose to “exercise [even] a particle of faith”; choose to “experiment upon [His] words” (Alma 32:27). The Savior explained, “If any man will do his will, he shall know of the doctrine, whether it be of God, or whether I speak of myself” (John 7:17).
• When logic, reason, or personal intellect come into conflict with sacred teachings and doctrine, or conflicting messages assault your beliefs as the fiery darts described by the Apostle Paul (see Ephesians 6:16), choose to not cast the seed out of your heart by unbelief. Remember, we receive not a witness until after the trial of our faith (see Ether 12:6).
• If your faith is proven and mature, choose to nurture it “with great care” (Alma 32:37). As strong as our faith is, with all the mixed messages attacking it, it can also become very fragile. It needs constant nourishment through continued scripture study, prayer, and the application of His word.
     When the disciples asked Jesus why they could not cast a devil out as they had just witnessed the Savior do, Jesus answered, “If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove” (Matthew 17:20). I have never witnessed the removal of an actual mountain. But because of faith I have seen a mountain of doubt and despair removed and replaced with hope and optimism. Because of faith I have personally witnessed a mountain of sin replaced with repentance and forgiveness. And because of faith I have personally witnessed a mountain of pain replaced with peace, hope, and gratitude. Yes, I have seen mountains removed.
• Because of my faith I have activated the power of the priesthood that I hold and have been a partaker of the sweetness of the gospel and have embraced the saving ordinances.
• Because of my faith I work through the struggles and difficulties in life with peace and assurance.
• Because of my faith I have been able to turn questions and even doubts into assurances and understanding.
• Because of my faith I approach the unknown, unseen, and unexplained with unquestioning assurance.
• And because of my faith—even in the seemingly worst of times—I recognize with peace and gratitude that in reality it is the best of times.
     And when we choose faith and then nurture that faith to a perfect knowledge of the things of the Lord, then we use the words “I testify” or “I know.” I have personally planted the seed in my own heart, and throughout my life I have attempted to nurture that seed to a perfect knowledge. And today, as I stand behind this pulpit, I testify that Jesus is the Christ, the Redeemer of the world. I further testify that Joseph Smith was a prophet of God and the living instrument the Lord used to bring back to the earth the complete and true gospel of Jesus Christ. I testify that President Thomas S. Monson is the Lord’s prophet today. Likewise, the choice of faith is yours, it is mine. Let us choose faith. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

As I read this talk today it seemed so fitting in my life right now. The last few months have been a very long hard struggle for me.
~ We have had so many road blocks with this home that we are trying to buy. It just seems like we have gotten so close so many times and then something seems to come up and we are set back a few more weeks. Or they need proof of this or proof of that. There are times when I have truly just felt like giving up on the whole idea of buying a home.
~ And then just trying to adjust living back in Malta (don't get me wrong I LOVE MALTA) but it is an adjustment. 
~ Then there is Todd's job. We are so blessed that he was able to get this job but it has truly been a BIG CHANGE for us. I thought that with time it would get easier having him gone (and I'm sure it still might) but lately it has just seemed like he is gone more than he is home. And when he is home the time goes by so fast and it is time for him to already go back. And then I am once again home by myself.
~ There have been a few other things that has been very stressful lately. I am not going to go into detail about them because they are very personal and dear to my heart. Maybe in time I will be able to talk about them more openly.
     With all this happening within the last six months I must say that I am very over-whelmed. And it has been very hard to stay positive through a lot of these trials. There have been times that I have wondered to myself if I was strong enough to make it through all this. And then I remember FAITH- THE CHOICE IS YOURS... What a strong statement this is, This is so true. We all go through things in our life, some worse than others and as long as we continue to have Faith in our Father in Heaven and in the things that he has in store for us then everything will work out.  We must fully trust in the Lord and have faith in the things that have been placed before us.  I love when he says: Because of my faith I work through the struggles and difficulties in life with peace and assurance.  Because of my faith I have been able to turn questions and even doubts into assurances and understanding.  Because of my faith I approach the unknown, unseen, and unexplained with unquestioning assurance. And because of my faith—even in the seemingly worst of times—I recognize with peace and gratitude that in reality it is the best of times.
    Who would we be today if we didn't have these hard times in our lives to make us stronger and closer to our Father in Heaven. To helps us more understand the real reason we are here on this earth at this time. I know that things are not going to always be easy but our Father in Heaven has promised us that it will all be worth it. Faith is so fragile and there are times when my faith is stronger and there are times when my faith is weaker. But I know without a doubt in my heart that I can make it though these trials and that I am not alone. I need to remind myself every day to Choose faith over doubt, choose faith over fear, choose faith over the unknown and the unseen, and choose faith over pessimism..

Babysitting Again...

I am babysitting for Lindsay again. She comes out to Malta on Wednesday's and works at the Steak house and I get the girls ALL DAY!! I love every Wednesday. The first time that I had them Madison was so fascinated with my stairs. So much that she decided to make a little fort up there and play. She played for over three hours up there. It is amazing how something so simple can entertain a child for so long. Ainsley just loves her big sister. She just sits there and stares at Madison and smiles and smiles, its the cutest thing. I just love these two so much. And I am so grateful that I get the opportunity to babysit them.