Car Accident

I have been having a really hard time with this accident. Every time I close my eyes or have a second where I am not busy everything about this accident comes flooding back. I keep seeing the semi right in front of me and remembering there was nothing I could do to get stopped. I didn't think it would be this hard. I have heard about other peoples accidents but until you are involved in one yourself I don't think you can fully comprehend what an emotional toll it takes on your life. I wasn't sure if I wanted to talk about this on my blog but I need to talk to someone about it because Todd is gone till May 10th and I have my family to talk to but I feel like I can pour my heart out in my blog since it is like my journal.

I keep thinking about the what ifs? And I know I probably shouldn't be that way but how can you not think about the what ifs? What if I would have stayed at work a little longer, or what if I would have stopped and got fuel or stopped to get a soda then I wouldn't have been on the road at that time and right behind that dang semi. I know that the what ifs are just making this harder on me but these are the things that have crossed my mind these last couple of days. Every time I think about the accident(which is a lot) I wonder if there is anything more that I could have done. Every time I close my eyes I see the semi right in front of me and I remember knowing I was going to get in a car accident. I remember knowing that there is no way I was going to be able to get stopped I was going 60 mph and the semi was right there. I cranked my steering wheel to the right so hard and slammed on my breaks as hard as I could but I knew that was not going to be enough. I am so grateful that I was in our Yukon and not the little car because I cant even think about how much more worse this could have been had I been in my car. I loved my Yukon so much and I know its only a car, only a material thing but I always felt so safe in it and I know without a doubt in my heart that it saved my life. I don't remember much about the accident I remember hitting the semi but I am not sure where I hit him at. If it was on his cab or if it was on the trailer. I remember the air bags deploying and I remember trying to get my car stopped. I don't know what happened to the back of my car I am thinking that his trailer must have swung around and hit me in the back as well but I don't know. I remember as soon as I got my car completely stopped the emotions started to take over. I got out and the truck driver got out and the kid from the other truck that was involved got out and we made sure everyone was okay and thank heavens everyone was okay. The cop then showed up and we had to fill out the accident reports. I hadn't really cried too much up to this point I was still in shock and trying to keep myself together. But I knew I needed to cry, I wanted to cry. I was so scared I didn't know what to do I didn't know what just happened and how I had just gotten into a car accident. It all happened so fast and the emotions were starting to settle in. Some lady who knew the kid that was involved was walking back to her truck when the next thing I knew she was over at my Yukon holding me, giving me a hug and telling me it was ok to cry. She just stood there as I cried on her shoulder. A complete stranger who was willing to come up to another complete stranger and comfort her. I am so thankful for that lady I have no clue who she was but I am thankful that she was directed to come over to me and comfort me when I needed it the most. I have never felt so much love from a complete stranger as I did that day. On any other given day I don't think I would have just cried on just any ones shoulder but at that very moment she didn't seem like a stranger at all. I know without a doubt in my heart that our Father in Heaven sent her to me. He knew I needed someone and the spirit lead her to me. I will always be grateful for that lady.  I am also very grateful for my twin sister. Her and I have been through alot lately but when I needed her the most she was there for me and I am so grateful for her and for her love for me. I was scared when it all happened and she was one of the first ones I called besides my husband because I knew that she would be there for me. How blessed am I to have such an amazing sister in my life. I hope that she knows hoe much I love her and how grateful I am to be able to say that she is my twin sister and my best friend. I am also very grateful for my mom and little sister. They both dropped everything they were doing and came to Twin so they could take me home. I could not ask and I honestly would not ask for a better family. I have the BEST FAMILY EVER!! I am so grateful that we are so close and share so much love. I stayed Thursday night in Heyburn with Lindsay and Chase. I knew that I was going to be getting a rental car so I figured it would be best to stay there so I was already in Burley to get the car. I am thankful that Lindsay and Chase open their home up to me. It is amazing what a car accident can do to a person. Through the whole 10 seconds or however long the accident actually took I never once felt like I was going to die I knew I was going to be ok. But still when something like this happens its a wake up call. It makes you not take anything in life for granite anymore. As I was at Lindsay's Thursday night I was so grateful to still be alive and to be able to still hold my nieces and receives kisses and hugs for them. I couldn't help but lay there and cry because I was overcome with the spirit and was so thankful that I was ok. Once again I am so grateful for my family they are everything to me. Friday was a very stressful day it took forever to get things figured out with the rental car and I was just so ready to be able to go home. I made it back to Malta around six and I went to dinner with my parents and then I came home. I was so glad to be home. I was having a pretty hard time being by myself the emotions of the accident were all coming back. My parents showed up at my house (I am pretty sure my sister called them, THANK YOU). My dad gave me a blessing and then they took me back to their house for the night. I am so grateful that my dad is a worthy priesthood holder. They knew I needed a blessing, they knew I needed the comfort of the spirit to help me get through all this. The blessing was amazing the spirit was so strong and I know without a doubt in my mind that my journey here on this earth is not over. My car accident could have ended alot worse but I still have alot to do here on this earth and I am so grateful for that. I hope my family knows how much I truly love them. And I hope my husband knows that he is my life and I love him more than anything. I am so grateful for how truly blessed I am and for all the wonderful family and friends that I have. I have had many visitors, phone calls and texts from numerous people and I am truly grateful for all the concern, support and love.