Happy Birthday Madison

Madison turned 5 on August 9th. I cant believe this little girl is already 5, time needs to slow down. She had a "FROZEN" themed birthday and she loved it. Todd and I got her an Elsa dress she was pretty excited about it. For weeks she had been telling me that all she wanted for her birthday was an Elsa dress:)

Lindsay asked me take some pictures of the girls for her. I am no professional but we still had fun and actually got some good pictures of the girls. Madison loves the camera and wanted to keep taking pictures all day and then there was Ainsley who would have rather clicked like the camera than smile for me. I love these two cuties so much and an grateful to be their aunt.

I really thought that my next post about us trying to become parents would be a fun and exciting one. But today I received some devastating news. I felt like we were finally moving forward in all of these and then today we have taken 5 steps back. I have been clomid for the last two months. The first month I was on just one pill a day and that brought my progesterone level up to a 14.3 which was really good but they were wanting it above a 15 so they decided to have me start taking 2 a day and that's what I did this last cycle and I went in on July 26 and had another blood test to see where my level was at and today I got those results back and it said it was at a 0.4.. Which this means that I didn't ovulate this last month, I wasn't even close to ovulating. I am so confused as to why one clomid worked so well and when I took two it had a completely different effect. It makes no sense to me I don't understand it at all. My doctor and nurse are out of the office all week so I had to talk to a different nurse today and she had no answers for me. I just want to know what is going on. I want to be a mom so bad and the only thing that is standing in the way of that is me... And there is nothing that I can personally do to change that. I long so badly to be a mom, I want to raise a family and I feel like right now there is a wall between me and that reality and I have no idea of how to move the wall or tear it down or climb over it. It seems like its impossible. Am I never going to get the change to have someone call me mom? Am I never going to get the chance to hold an infant in my arms and know that they are mine forever? Or to be able to cuddle with them at night? Or comfort them when they are scared? Am I never going to get the chance to have kids fill my home with love and laughter. I JUST WANT TO BE A MOM!!!! How is this too much to ask for?  

4th of July

Happy 4th of July!! This is one of my most favorite holidays. This year we just went to the parade in Rupert and then went back to Lindsay and Chases and floated the canal and then had a BBQ and then went and watched the fireworks over in Burley. After we went back over to Lindsay and Chases and set off a few of our own. It was a great day. I am sad that is has already come and gone. 

Summer fun

Lindsay and Chase went roping one weekend so we got to watch these two cuties. The first night I attempted to make them Mickey Mouse pancakes haha I think I need some practice:) The next day we decided to take them up to Sublet reservoir and go fishing, I am not one who enjoys fishing so I figured the girls and I could just play in the water. It was fun for awhile and then the wind started to blow a little and the bugs started to get bad. So we decided to head home and just swim in the little swimming pool at my house. I love being able to watch these cuties they are growing up so fast. 

Memorial Day

Memorial Day weekend Tara was home so she came over and helped me paint some of my house. I love how it turned out. We got the living room and hallway all done. I slowly and I mean slowly feel like my house is starting to come together. There are some days that I wish I could just move into a brand new home but I am loving our home and I am loving that I can make it the way I want, we still have a lot to do to it but we are getting there. 

Then on Memorial Day we took Madison and Ainsley up to the City of Rocks and then we went swimming. The whole way up there Madison was just wanting to go swimming she had never been to the City of Rocks to climb before so she wasn't so sure about it. But by the time we left the rocks she was loving it. And then we topped the day off with a nice soak in the hot tubes. I am so glad my aunt and uncle own Durfee Hot Springs and it's so close and we can go whenever we want:) 

Reno

Todd and I got to go to Reno at the end of April and first week of May. He had a fire training for work that we went down for. I was excited since I have never been to Reno, but man it was a very long and boring drive!! But I am grateful that I was able to go with him and get to spend time together. One night we went for a walk down by the river. It was very pretty down there but at the same time downtown Reno is very scary. I am glad Todd was with me.